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2019 - Draft Grades, the REAL Draft Grades

Arbitrary Draft Grades

AKA I say some words about everyone's draft to get the bad blood going.

Here we go boys, futbol is upon us. What an epic 19 round draft. Let's see how I can already start messing with people's heads with the written word in a quick overview of everyone's draft night. Me being a narcissist, I will start with myself.

Mat - DeDell Hopkham Jr (0-0)

I ended up with 2 receivers who have a more than zero chance of ending the season as the 2 best receivers in fantasy. That's my dream and I'm sticking to it. More likely they'll both be hurt by week 5 and I'll be really pissed I jinxed myself in this post. RB combo of Gurley and Conner could conceivably make some noise as well. As of now, my team looks stacked, except I'm sure everyone else's is stacked too. Lets take a look.

A++

Dylan - The Sixth Wentz (0-0)

Dylan doesn't have to change his name because he drafted Wentz once again. Going with the ol' home town strategy that's sure to work out great for him. I do wish he drafted Foles too so he could have a poetic fantasy championship where Wentz goes down and he's forced to play Foles in the playoffs. McCaffrey and Mixon are a great starting RB duo, having to start Golloday alongside Diggs is a bit iffy. Golloday is hit or miss and Diggs is the 2nd best WR on his own team. However, he's got Dede on the bench just waiting for a chance. Dede's got Foles throwing to him now, so you know he'll do well. Put me in coach!

B+

Jono - 2 Gurleys 1 Cup (0-0)

Saquon Barkley elevates Jono's RB play by himself. Calling it now, his team name will be something like "Saquon Deez". He's got strong QB play as well, with Matt Ryan and Big Ben who will both most likely throw for 4000+. Not sure about Godwin as a starter, but Tyreek Hill and Cooper Kupp are nyyyyasty. Points deducted for being a dick and taking my starting RB handcuff, Nyheim Hines. L'Chaim!

A-

Justin - Ambassador of Quon (0-0)

Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers starting QB duo is studly. Hopefully these couple of old dudes can stay on the field for Justin. Julio and Antonio could also end up being the WR1 and WR2 overall. Not as likely as my combo, but still a very intimidating pair. Justin did the ol' hometown buffet too and picked Josh Jacobs to be one of his starting RBs. Let's see if that pays off for him. If I recall correctly, the home town picks never worked out for him last year.

A-

Brent - Macknomore (0-0)

Another snake in the grass who took one of my handcuffs, this time it's Gurley's backup Darrell Henderson. I hope my RBs stay healthy all year and you guys waste a bench spot. Brent reached real hard on Mahomes, but honestly I think it'll pay off. The combo of Michael Thomas and Zeke could be a league winner. Let's hope Zeke is worth that 90 million. Or at least our league buy in.

B+

Michael - Full Chubb (0-0)

Michael's team looks like he got a lot of picks that were not his first choice. It's a motley crew of "oh I wanted that guy, but I settled for this guy instead". Preseason Taco prediction is this heap of hot. I do like Juju and Thielen, but Lamar Jackson and Jared Goff? I'm sure I'll eat my words when he's winning the league in the middle of the season, but for now, I can hurt him with my words.

C-

Mike - Gucci Garopp (0-0)

Mike did not draft his namesake Jimmy G, but he did end up with 2 other handsome white gentlemen in Baker Mayfield and Tom Brady. The age difference between these two guys is larger than the age of most NFL rookies. He had the highest draft grade in the broken Yahoo scorecard, and I absolutely disagree. TY's Luck ran out and Tarik will be fighting for scraps. Julian Edelman will have to prove that he's still got it after a lackluster season. If Dalvin Cook can stay on the field he'll be beastly, but after having him on my IR for 2 years, I am not optimistic for Mike.

C+

River - DuMa Boyz (0-0)

The new guy, the dynamite kid, the usurper. River's got a dope set of black QBs which might actually play out very well for him. Deshaun and Wilson are both top 10 QBs with great weapons, Texans just need to get a real RB. Having to start Mike Williams and Corey Davis is less than ideal, but hopefully his better WRs (Brandon Cooks and Keenan Allen) make up for it. Those two are studs when they are on the field. River uncharacteristically drafted a white TE, who I strongly believe will be a top 5 TE this year, so to hell with the theme. He's even got a 2nd white TE on the bench. if Hunter Henry doesn't end up top 5, he can try out Kyle Rudolph.

B

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