Scrambo Recaps

Michael (4-6) vs River (6-4) In the “Way this season maybe should have gone” bowl, Michael crushed River 181.74-89.60. Despite Mat’s draft grades, Thielen Myself’s front office felt it got the players it wanted in the draft, just not the performances. “Notably, our receiving core has sucked more dick than a Gen Z cis male at a BTS show, but the running backs, and Lamar Jackson, as anticipated, are studs,” said General Manager Nick Manning. “Just look at the total points.” Michael’s team has put up 1,447.66 points this season (3rd best in the league), and is arguably better than their 4-6 record would indicate, but that’s the breaks. A series of terrible line up choices have led Thielen Myself straight into a series of must win weekly matchups to end the year. River’s team falls to 6-4 after a poor showing from most of their players. The Patriots defense, AKA only good because of their bullshit, JV schedule, was on bye, and still wasn’t the worst player in River’s line up. That

Week 7 Recap I chose the one week I won to not write a recap. It's like I purposely passed up an opportunity to gloat. Very magnanimous of me. After this week, we officially have no more 0 win or 0 loss teams. Justin popped his cherry with me and River's team finally shit the bed against Mike. League parity, baby. We've achieved it. Let's take a look at the deets. Mat (1-6) vs Justin (1-6) Match of the week. The two juggernauts of the garbage bowl. Just last week, we both had no wins. We've both since turned our seasons around with 1 win apiece, simply astounding. Who could have seen this coming? In a statement win, Justin ends up with the highest score of the week, beating me 151.14-131.78. Aaron Rodgers scored 43 points in an absolute ass-blasting of the Raiders. 5 pass TDs and 1 rushing one for good measure. It would have been absurd if Justin somehow managed to lose with that performance on his team. The rest of his team did OK, no one scored too far ab

Week 5 Recap River - Jabba the Chub (5-0) vs Mat - Gay Ass (0-5) The question burning on everyone's mind this week. Will Mat ever win again? I can't say yes with any confidence. I once again had the opportunity to win with the right moves but fucked it up by being a fuck up. River continues his undefeated streak with a 142-122 win over the resident taco, me. I left multiple ~20 point performances on my bench in Sony Michel, Matt Breida, and Courtland Sutton. While my "top tier" starters like Odell, Hopkins, and Conner languished in mediocrity. My rotating carousel of shitty QBs continue and I actually have to go crawling back to Kirk Cousins this week after Mason Rudolph died on the field. I still believe deep down that my team is good, when the dam breaks and I finally win one, I'll never lose again. River's 2 QBs Watson and Wilson combined for fucking 70 points. That's probably more points than I've gotten at QB in the first 5 weeks combined.

Quarter Way Through - Power Rankings We're a quarter way through the season and since I didn't write a recap last week I thought I'd do a little extra this week with an arbitrary power ranking. Brent - Wanna be a Waller (4-0): Brent is 4-0 with the most points for. He's got the #1 spot locked in pretty solid. He has top 10 players in pretty much every slot. Pat Mahomes, Dak Prescott, Austin Ekeler, Zeke, Michael Thomas, Chris Carson. Pretty much every person on his roster has lit up fantasy news in recent weeks. This will be hard to beat. Mike - Gucci Garopp (3-1): Look, I know River has a better record, but I think Mike's team overall is stronger. His lineup of Alvin, Dalvin, and Melvin has to be the strongest RB lineup in our league. Look for Mike to pass up River in the near future. River - Jabba the Chub (4-0): Beginner's luck. The new guy always slays. Last year it was Brad, this year it's River. His team doesn't have quite the same star s

Week 2 Recap Can you believe week 2 has already come and gone? Where does the time go? We'll all be old and lonely before we know it. Father time waits for no man. Life is flying by and it scares me deep into my bones. I lie awake at night pondering these things some times. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh right football. Is it just me or have football games been kinda shitty this year? Maybe I'm just watching the wrong games. It's either shitty teams grinding it out against each other or a good team dropping a load on a bad team. I have yet to watch a truly competitive football game. Thank god there's fantasy, because our first recap was a down to wire nail biter. Jono - 2 Girls 1 Kupp (1-1) vs Sak - Thielen Myself (0-2) Jono needed heroics from Matt Ryan Sunday night to pull out the W and Matty Ice did just enough to make it happen. Giving Jono a 146.1 to 144.4 win over Sak. Ryan's 3 TDs and 3 INTs was precarious, any shift of the wind would have knocke

Week 1 Recap Oh week 1. Always comes in like a wrecking ball to destroy off-season narratives. Narratives like the Browns will be good, or Raiders suck without AB, or Jono will stop using his commissioner powers to cheat and get first pick. Now that the dust has settled, let's take a look at the insanely high scoring match ups under the new league rules. I will refrain from talking too much shit this week because of how weird week 1 was, don't want to eat too much crow. Mat - DaDell Hopkham Jr (0-1) vs Dylan - The Sixth Wentz (1-0) Welp, I got my shit wrecked. Dylan scored 180 to my 138 and he was still only the 3rd highest scoring team this week. This should give you a good indication of how this season will go for this league. Dylan cruised to victory by playing a bunch of Eagles players. He started Wentz, Ertz, DeSean Jackson, and the Philly DEF (AND JAKE ELLIOT) . Very questionable decisions all around but it worked out for him. He's probably only one of fifteen